October 13, 2004

An entry not from today, in fact, but from Monday October 11th. Hey, I'm slow at getting started here. Get off my back!

I am back in college, working my butt off for the first time in my life. I am discovering what it is to apply myself. I have managed to get through college with the method I like to call "arsecramming". No, I have not been cramming my behind with various objects.

ANYBODY WANT TO COME TO AN ARSE PARTY?

...What on earth is an arse party?

IT'S A PARTY WHERE WE CRAM HAMMERS UP EACH OTHER'S ARSES! (Or carrots.)

I once heard the above conversation.

Arsecramming is the somewhat delicate art of managing to arse about for the entire year, coasting on your good looks and ability to smile at your tutors, followed by three nights of HARDKORE cramming just before the exams, and then passing with a reasonably impressive grade. I arsecrammed alone. I arsecrammed with friends. It was a thing we did. It was unsatisfying and, sometimes, humiliating. It was expensive. This year, I arsecram no more.

This is my last chance or I'm out. As many of you will know, I was ill on a persistent low level last year which prevented me from any possible LURNING. I am now well once more, and am attending lectures and doing my assignments. There is a certain dignity in this new way of life I have found, although it is eating rather nastily into my blogging time, not to mention my social life. Although, admittedly, the social life is not exactly illuminated with the glow of white knickers in a UV-lighted toilet cubicle, because my friends have all graduated. I don't know many people in my classes at all. And this brings me to my

STORY OF THE DAY

Today as I sat munching my sub-par O'Brien's sandwich in a "resource area" in college (does anyone else feel a little sick after a sandwich in O'Brien's?), a young woman from my class asked if she could join me at my table. I of course said yes. I had noticed her previously because she looks nuts. She seems to have cut her own hair with a Crayola scissors. You know how some people just look, well, escaped?

Anyway, she then launched into an excruciating hour of talking all about her prophetic dreams. I occasionally interrupted her stories of dreaming of a screensaver with a cat in it and then WALKING INTO AN OFFICE WITH A SCREENSAVER OF A CAT ON THE MONITOR ON THE COMPUTER!!!!! to ask her a personal detail, such as her name, or where she came from. Allow me to demonstrate for you the dynamic of our chat.

Nuttygirl: And I walked right in and was like "OH MY GOD I DON'T BELIEVE IT LIKE JESUS CHRIST" and then I--"

Me: So...tell me where you're from.

Nuttygirl: Cork and it was the EXACT SAME AS MY DREAM. Not only that...

And so went my peaceful lunch hour. During our conversation, she managed to smear chocolate on her forehead and knock over the very chair she was sat upon. She looked me right in the eye while she talked (impressive, most people don't do that), and was obviously very intelligent (she had a remarkable vocabulary), but seemed plain old MAD. In a way I envy mad people. In another way that last sentence is an outright lie.

People are amusing.

I had dinner with L tonight, where she told me all the gory details of her trip to Israel. I positively drooled with jealousy. A kindly waiter mopped up my drool, though, and served us some pretty darned delicious food. However I have realised just how fat food can make you. MUST EAT LESS FOOD. This is an ambition.

L has a list of things she wishes to do before her next birthday, which is speedily approaching. I do not understand this kind of GOAL SETTING. It is the kind of thing my husband does. (MY HUSBAND. I JUST SAID "MY HUSBAND".) Goals are frightening to me. If I can get through that self-pitying feeling I get when I wake at seven thirty, then that's a big enough achievement for me. OH YOU MOCK BUT IT'S TRUE.

I haven't seen K all day and he has just walked in the door so BLOGGO LOSES AND HUSBAND WINS. Get used to taking second place from now on, bastard readers.

My very deepest love to you all. :)

Posted by neuro-praxis on October 13, 2004 10:52 PM, in the category Exotic Air Fresheners