December 15, 2004

Summary, Analysis or Argument?

My husband's aunt insisted the other night that German people have two stomachs, and no: she wasn't speaking figuratively. She has an obese German friend who has the appetite of twelve horses and who has informed her that she's got two stomachs and well, Bon is pretty sure it's true, having seen how much Alfreda can pack away.

I wish I had two stomachs - think of the possibilities!

As the year is coming to a close, I shall fill out one of those "year appraisal thingies" for your perusal. As I have no originality of my own, somebody else's will have to suffice.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Got married. Went to Africa. Won an Olympic Gold Medal. Ate meat.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
New Years Resolution's are for the weak in the head. I made none. And that's the way I want to keep it, beatch.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, I now have two nephews and a family of attic mice.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I didn't do it.

5. What countries did you visit?
Africa, England and France. And chocolate.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A double first class honours degree in Philosophy and English literature and a dog, whom I will name Baby Jesus.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 24th, my wedding day, because I got to ride around in a really cool car for fifteen minutes.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I stole a really nice watch from a Jeweller's on Talbot Street and got away with it for almost four days.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Crashing that jeep through the side of the house, oops.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I took a wee trip down the stairs and the odd beating from K. HA HA HA (help me)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A little Asian boy.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My church family's. The little Asian boy's.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
YOURS.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Damn wedding!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I got this book of free coupons for HMV!!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Nobody Does It Better - Carly Simon.
The Dog Song - Nelly McKay

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
Strap me to a torpedo cos I'm happy as a filthy monkey on E.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Puking my ring up.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Looking for staples.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas isn't currency, stupid.

With my husband and my brother and my mammy and my daddy.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
At a CHURCH PARTY where we will drink orange pop and play WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE and not touch in case we give each other AIDS.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Hey baby, I've been loved up for six years now.

23. How many one-night stands?
At least 25. They call me the "tart" round these parts.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Television is from the devil. If I had to choose, it would be that one cartoon show where the superhero went round bunking paedos off, deadly.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Ah shut up. No.

26. What was the best book you read?
Gosh darn it, I read a whole damn lot. Possibly "Candida Albicans" by Leon Chaitow - wow. Touching, inspirational, yeasty.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Nellie McKay. I am in love with her. Plus guests.

28. What did you want and got?
I bagged me a rich one! And a car. And herpes.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Station Agent probberly?Also Fisting Firemen Nine (I haven't yet seen one through eight).

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Sniff. Nothing much. Just visited Nelson Mandela's cell on Robyn Island. Sniff. And had a brie with schnook fish and champagne fresh from the vineyard...

32. What one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My own cow for uber-fresh dairy goodness in the mornings.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
BLING! Lots and lots of gold and jewels and PVC.

34. What kept you sane?
THE LORD HIMSELF. Also my therapist. Also my Buttercup doll; she listens to me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Oooh. Particularly? Hrm. Oooh. You're throwing out the tough questions here. Hrm. Oooh. Jake Gillenhall? Nelly McKay? Eminem? Santa?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The whole electronic voting hulabaloo, but then, I was living with Captain Democracy.

37. Who did you miss?
The cast of Dawson's Creek. Bye bye, my friends, bye bye. /me waves sadly

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Lordy, I sure meeted a lot of new people. Some favourites of the new ones: Deborah, Deirdre, Aisling, Ger, Jason, Marianne K, Ciarán, Andrew, Mariana, Sorcha, Clare, Esther, Silke...

These people mean nothing to you. NOTHING TO YOU I SAY. Like how I name-dropped there?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
Why don't YOU tell me one?

Um.

I have learned to stop saying, "When X happens, THEN I will be happy". I am living my life. I am grabbing it by the proverbial goulies, jiggling them about, and enjoying everything as much as possible. Life is all about relationships, really, innit?

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

No guilt in life,
No fear in death;
This is the power of Christ in me.

Posted by neuro-praxis on December 15, 2004 09:09 PM, in the category Rhythm Worries