One of our friends has gawn and gotten himself a new girlfriend. And now husband K has gawn out with them to see the bound-to-be-gawdawful-Hitchhiker's-Guide-To-Death-By-Movie so I compiled a list of polite conversation questions (and one or two conversation starters) for K to have with the new chick in our gang. I thought the following would help her fit right in.

1. Nice to meet you. How much does your father earn, and what would you estimate is the total worth of your home (or should I say homes) ?
2. Is it true you like scat? (Also suitable in this category are - "Hi, do you like watersports? "or "So, tell me about your sexual habits in as much detail as you are comfortable.")
3. (With a squint:) Ever had scabies?
4. I assume [our friend] is your first partner?
5. What's your dress size? Were you always that size then?
6. (Compliments are good too:) I really like the shape of your head! (or "Your voice sounds furry!")
7. (And of course, a proper welcome or two:) We'll always love you after tonight! (or "You can move in with us if you like!")

I wonder how the three of them have gotten along. I typed up the list and stapled it to K's inner arm for ease of access.

I stayed home because the movie looks so bad, and I hated the books more than the filthy Wicked Witch of the West hated water. Also, we spent the day driving around the Wicklow mountains, and the thought of a beer and me and my laptop all alone with some good music sounded rather delicious.

Plus K has promised to bring me home a gift that is neither onion rings nor candy floss. Excellent.

neuro-praxis -- Clicking Her Ruby Heels Three Times