It's All In This One
So there I have been, bounding from hospital to hospital in ambulance after ambulance, spurting out blood and urine and sucking up drugs and weak tea. Oh joy! Oh rapture! My soul knows peace at last!
Hyperbole or not, I have been in the hospital, and I got there in an ambulance, and it was me that had ruddied up insides. Something exploded in my ovarian regions and the memory of the pain will keep me awake on many a lonely night while the husband has been stolen away on his mission to rob Ukrainian cars and recycle them into cheap quality cutlery.
Luckily for me on the night in question of said inner explosion, my friend A was staying over and competently organised my recuperation. She's rather good. I think I'll keep her.
In other news, I have had to go to work in spite of the combustion because Colleague Number One is puking with a horrible virus and Colleague Number Two is in Florida, swallowing hurricane dust and talking to unhappy Americans. Also, it would seem that the weather is one million degrees at present, and all of the degrees are right up IN MY FACE making me so hot I could vomit. Vomit like it was 1999 and I was Colleague Number One! Work has been a living nightmare with boils on and a zimmerframe. I managed to keep going in spite of the agony until midday yesterday when I rang my mother and sobbed down the telephone about how I needed to quit. In her usual off-centre way, she advised me to lock the office door and lie on the floor for half an hour.
So it's been quite a week.
OTHER THINGS
My parents came for the weekend (pre-explosion) and went to see the Ha'penny bridge which is apparently about as much fun as soiling yourself. My brother came round and we had a barbeque, so I was quite the familial little flower. Friend A came over for dinner and beer and consequently, hospital-help. Work has been a disaster and I saw Aimee Mann in concert. Not ideal timing but wild horses couldn't keep me from Vicar Street to see that skinny woman holler!
Now there is water and bed and TOILET IS FORBIDDEN. I have an ultrasound in the morning and if I do it without a full bladder THEY SEND ME TO PRISON. The letter is very firm and angry and underlines many useful things.
DO NOT GO TO THE TOILET. IF YOU DO, THIS WILL CAUSE DELAYS.
Yes hospital. Sorry hospital. I would not want to make a delay by my urine! My urine is bad for making a delay! I will slap the urine when it comes out!
They even add,
WHEN THE EXAMINATION IS FINISHED YOU MAY GO TO THE TOILET.
Aaaaah, that's the life. Permission granted at last!
neuro-praxis -- An Bfhuil Cead Agam Dul Go Dtí An Leithreas?
Posted by neuro-praxis on July 14, 2005 11:27 PM, in the category Bifidus Digestivum
Dearest neuro my lovely friend,
I wrote a poem for you:
If I had ovaries I'd give them to you,
But I have testicles and they just won't do.
This is the price I pay,
For being a man like me,
You have your ultrasound today,
Please remember not to pee.
Get well soon sis, you're in my thoughts and prayers!
Love,
Posted by: John at July 15, 2005 09:26 AMJohn.
That is so beautiful. SNIFF!
Posted by: neuro-praxis at July 15, 2005 01:26 PMthat poem is classic :D
hope you're feeling a bit better now neuro.
i know just how those uncomfortable it is before those ultrasounds!
i recall you having things investigated a while ago - why could they not remove stuff before it ruptured? poor neuro :(
Posted by: janine at July 16, 2005 10:59 AMSo it's true what they say:
Inner explosions make people hilarious.
Posted by: stig at July 16, 2005 12:51 PMNah Janine, I had to wait three months for that ultrasound. At least I didn't die in the meantime. I just experienced hideous bleeding and agony!
:)
Posted by: neuro-praxis at July 17, 2005 08:56 PMI just heard Shaun Wright Phillips left Citeh. Shambles. I am in Kiev and am more than worried about my own insides. The Ukrainian food is revolting and the revolution could soon go public and orange. If this makes sense, you are obviously fluent in Russian since English syntax is now a dim memory.
Ukrainia out.
Zoomtardachev
Posted by: Zoomtardski at July 20, 2005 06:44 PM