Get Them On The Telefón!
Here is the thing with sentences. All sentences are potentially funny until Ed Byrne gets his oar in and butchers them. Poor Ed. He should have been a civil servant and not gotten so above hisself. At least he's grown his hair back, thank God. He was reminding me of my ex-boyfriend for a while there who had a do á la un champignon. And I don't like to be reminded of that. I haven't been able to eat a garlic mushroom since the day I left him. THANKS A BUNCH ED.
Speaking of much disliked comedians, we're planning (that's the royal WE by the way, not K and I - we don't believe in socialising together) to see that fine young man Des Bishop in Vicar Street this Christmas. His unique brand of smutty japery combined with his array of Cork accents should make for a delightfully chuckly evening. HA HA! I may say. HO HO INDEED! I may vociferate, holding onto my shaking belly. HEE HEE HEE! as a tear is wiped. And so on.
I went to an Italian restaurant tonight and ate some Italy food. It was tasty gorgeous. The sexist waitress handed the bill to my husband, who hadn't a bean. Not a bean! I paid for it all, in spite of the fact that I am a WOMAN who is not worthy of being handed the bill. I AM TOO LOWLY TO BE THE ONE WHO MIGHT PAY. The best thing about the bill was the message at the bottom. It read:
PLEASE COME BACK SOON!!!
Rather enthusiastric for such a stiff place. As we waddled out the door, full of suppli and cappricciosa, K and I immediately looked at each other and with excessive smiles and eyes a-bulging yelled, "COME BACK SOON!!!" A good bit of nodding and leaning in may also have occurred, but the police made no record of this.
BED TIME!!! (Yes, yes yes!! Oh it is!)
neuro-praxis -- A BIG BIT SLEEPY!!!
Posted by neuro-praxis on October 17, 2005 10:54 PM, in the category Teriyaki Steak
Kevin was SO in there. And there you were, wifing it up, crimpin' his style.
Hang your head in shame.
Posted by: David Barrett at October 17, 2005 11:57 PMYore friend Stig is now emailing me and boring right into my very brane.
In other news, I need your help. My dealings with you have led me to be of the assumption that you are a pretty nice girl, but that you will administer slaps if a chum of yours turns into a stupidhead.
WELL!! I have turned into a blithering, dribbling wreck who cries hormonally at everything. I burst into tears today on my way home from work to that song by Semisonic "AAAAH AAAH ITS ALL ABOUT CHEMISTRY WON'T YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU NEED".... It was pretty horrific and I had to stop on the side of the road to vomit and sob at the same time. I came home to find my cat mewwing plaintively at the front door in a futile attempt to be let indoors, and I crumpled into a flood of stupid preggotears. I scooped the cat up and brought her in, where she leapt ungratefully out of my arms and onto my Daddys lap. I felt so unloved that the boo-hoo's returned and I have felt like a Royal spa ever since.
Will you please be so kind as to forward the mother of all lashes to me at your earliest convenience? No one else will help. To be frank, they're all sick of the sight of me.
Posted by: embee at October 18, 2005 02:25 AMYou SAY you want the mother of all lashes, but you don't. You want big hugs, gallons of tea, artery-blocking edible treats, and ridiculous amounts of sympathy at having a parasite growing just above your nether regions. Poor embee. :( Why'd you have to go and live so stupidly far away?
I ough to go round to Ardee and box your pregnant ears for you. WITH LOVE!!
Posted by: neuro-praxis at October 18, 2005 10:39 AMToday, my bellybutton popped inside out. It has been threatening to do so for some weeks, but it finally happened today. It feels dangerous and I don't like it.
Posted by: embee at October 18, 2005 09:27 PMGoddamn YOU Claire, with your Kildare living ways.
In fact, damn you all.
If the truth be told, embee, your pregnant air of mystery has me besotted beyond recognition.
I check your blog hourly.
For every hour you don't blog, I cut another inch closer to my vein :(
Posted by: stigmund at October 19, 2005 11:04 AM