I don't usually do movie reviews. In blogs, they're just so damn tedious. And that's why I'm not going to do a review here. Instead, we will all enjoy a NEURODIATRIBE against that pile of ARSE that stupidheaded metacritic gave an average score of NINETY FOUR PER CENT (YES! 94%!). I can't really blame metacritic; they are after all merely a collective of all of the major movie reviewers, whom I now declare to all be morons. And I will never ever trust any of them ever again. Never, ever. The sacred trust shared between what I thought was an insightful and sensitive website has been broken. Smashed. Smashed like the plate K stood on this evening. Why was it on the floor? Probably because Metacritic put it there. Because they obviously enjoy sabotaging things. Things such as my eyeballs and my brain. Which were fooled into watching this stupid stupid film. From now on, movie reviews are banned as gosh darn subjectivity (particularly the subjectivity of "professionals") cannot be relied upon.

The movie is so dull and slow and pretend-deep and also so sad and empty (and please note that I am still watching it - partially out of a compulsive need to know the ending of every story that brushes within 50 feet of me and partially because we probably paid Xtra Vision about €3,000 for the rental of it) that I wish death would just come and take me now. AND ALSO, WHAT IS WITH ALL THE EXCESSIVELY DRUNK DRIVING? This film is a very bad influence on me. Why, right now I am getting hideously liquored up in order to go on a spree in our 94 Ford Escort. Nay, not a mere spree, but a WILD spree. Where I smush people's relatives, and then laugh manically as I drive away (my eyes just barely visible above the steering wheel) like a character from the increasingly outrageous Home and Away.

And you know what's even worse? I STILL HAVE THE FLU. I am snotty and coughy and shakey. And as though the list of my woes could not get longer, the chicken that we got from the local chippy tonight was drier than a cupful of sand from the Atacama desert. What a crock, eh? FURTHERMORE, the Christmas tree is still in the window of this room! It's brown! And by now I have eaten all of the candy canes off it so its purpose is no longer clear. Why hasn't it evaporated yet?!

Well, I ought to go. I've started to enjoy the movie and it's about time for another beer.

neuro-praxis -- Without assurance, certainty, certitude, confidence, conviction, credence, credit, dependence, entrustment, expectation, faith, gospel truth, hope, positiveness, reliance, stock, store or sureness.