Hello shoppers. It's me, Mom.

The wedding with the choir went so fantastically well that we are considering going into business together and charging other hapless couples a few grand for our musical bonanza. Seriously, we are that good. I have been thinking about taking up singing professionally for a while now, what with it being my only talent. All I need is a harpist who'll do what I say and we can make big bucks in the corrupt wedding industry. Meh. We all know that I am sitting by the phone waiting to hear about my last interview. They still haven't called. Somebody play a sad tune as the tears drip from my oversized eyes. That's right. I am made of plastic. I suppose you think that's funny. Well it's not. You may have realised this before me, I don't know, I'm not a scientist.

So, we went to visit my rich parents in their enormous house where we ate bars of gold and drank only pure oil. When we weren't stuffing our faces with precious elements we were folk dancing in the lashing rain in the front garden. If you could even call it a garden, it's barely half the size of Cork. It was great, except for the single beds and the emotional and physical abuse (they're still angry about the euro changeover). In a rare moment of weakness in the midst of the visit, they gave us a bushel of money (belated wedding gift! I like those!) which we used today to buy the biggest, most fabulous mahogany bed ever known to man, no exaggeration. We purchased the booty, along with two matching lockers and a mattress that even a nun would put out for, at a low low price from my friend's brother, who owns a furniture shop. At last! A comfortable bed! That doesn't scream when you move about on it! I have said too much.

What else did we do? We walked on the beach (twice in one month? soon we will be no more than common fishermen!) and ate in a Burger King "restaurant". We saw a couple of rubbish movies, You, Me and Dupree" (a gritty drama about a would-be cop gone crazy from shell-shock) and Harsh Times (a delightful romp about a crazy friend who moves in with a couple and causes mayhem!!) That was about it. We also drank some maple coffee that Teragram brought from Canada, and I contemplated making doughnuts. Contemplation is still in progress. Oh and we lost our very expensive digital camera. All in all a regular week.

My beer machine, which will yield many litres of free beer, arrives tomorrow! Soon I will have a reason to get up in the morning. Now, I have to go, because some people are coming over tomorrow night for dinner and I need to think up some clever phrases to say to them while they are here. These are the front runners:

1. Adults have much less bones than children, because they all grow into one big bone, probably because of milk.
2. Do not get too close to the swans, they can break a man's arm.
3. Thomas Edison was dyslexic and it didn't stop him inventing the runaway train.

neuro-praxis -- Style And Comfort For The Discriminating Crotch